


Underneath the Tree

by turningthepages



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Best Friends, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gift Exchange, Happy Ending, Jealous Castiel, Jealousy, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Pining Castiel, Roommates, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Winter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 08:59:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17179940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turningthepages/pseuds/turningthepages
Summary: All Castiel wants this holiday season is to know for sure if Dean Winchester loves him in return and Castiel hopes after Charlie's annual White Elephant gift exchange he'll have his answer.





	Underneath the Tree

**Author's Note:**

  * For [robotsnchicks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotsnchicks/gifts).



> Happy Holidays everyone! This is my first time writing anything for an exchange and I'm very happy to be writing for [robotsnchicks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/robotsnchicks/works)
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

Untouched, crisp, sparkling snow made holiday cheer seem like an actual tangible thing, almost magical in its beauty. The stillness in the air, the quite of the ground, the way the cold actually had a scent. 

It was his favorite time of year. 

The steadiness and peace of the gentle falling snow completely entranced Castiel. Since the moment he’d woken and seen the layer of white outside he’d been on his couch (he may have upturned his living room from swiveling the couch around to face outwards) and was staring out the window of his living room. Hours could have passed by now but nothing else mattered besides the joy being gifted to him from the sights. 

A door creaked open somewhere behind him and six footfalls later another body was nudging him over, stealing half his blanket. 

“What’cha looking at?” 

“It’s snowing.” Castiel sat, transfixed by the view outside. He felt his roommate and best friend, Dean, settle beside him closer and spread the blanket more evenly over both their laps. Castiel couldn’t help but lean into the press of his friend’s side. “Beautiful, isn’t it?” 

He knew objectively the view wasn’t actually that beautiful apart from the sparkling snow. Their apartment was moderate in the way a cardboard box is reliable for moving heavy objects. It had some obvious downfalls but the apartment suited their needs. It was just a nook with a living room feeding into the kitchen, a small bathroom with rusty faucets, and two small shoebox-sized rooms. It wasn’t luxury by any means, but it was home to them and that was good enough. 

Even their measly view was good enough though it was just of their neighbor’s green plastic lawn chairs and rusted side table. The layer of snow glistening on the surfaces made it so much more than just a patio, it made it look like Christmas. 

Dean didn’t answer his question automatically, presumably taking in the sight before them out of their too small window or perhaps just mentally waking up. Either way, eventually he found his words. 

“Definitely. So beautiful.” His voice was low, succeeding in sending a shiver through Cas’s body. Sometimes Dean’s voice could sound like warm hot chocolate on a cold, windy day. It was a voice Castiel had grown so accustomed to over the years. It was a voice of comfort to him—one of trust and friendship and home. 

Castiel didn’t bother with a response; instead just let the two of them bask in the first snowfall of the year, much later than usual but no less welcome. 

He loved mornings like these, even without the snow, just waking up and existing in comfortable silence with his best friend by his side. He loved the effortless way they communicated with a few small looks. He loved the way Dean always seemed to seek out his touch even just pressing their arms together on the couch as they were now. Really, Castiel simply loved Dean Winchester. 

What once had been a small flurry, a minute feeling he could pass off as a childish crush, had transformed into a full-fledged blizzard and Castiel knew he was helpless to save himself. Not that he wanted to. He enjoyed the feeling, especially more so in the past few months because the best part of being in love with Dean Winchester? He was almost certain Dean felt the same way in return. 

He wasn’t _completely_ certain, just mostly. 

For the past few weeks he’d been noticing, finally paying attention to what everyone apparently already saw. _‘Just pay attention Castiel. Notice the way he is around you. It’s different than with anyone else, I promise. You’ll see.’_

Just like that it all clicked. 

How he’d been blind to it all before he had no idea but suddenly breakfast in bed for no reason (albeit Pop tarts) felt extra special. Walking into the house and being told they were going to dinner and a movie instead of staying in on a random Thursday felt meaningful. The hand on his lower back as they walked through crowded areas was warmer and gentler. The nights the two of the would lie in Dean’s bed talking for hours on end until they’d fall asleep, those nights meant so much more. 

He knew his friend wasn’t always good with words, often struggled to express what was on his mind but he showed how he cared with actions. It’s why Castiel never read much more into it before. Didn’t Dean treat everyone he cared for with the same level of kindness? Wasn’t Dean always a spectacular human towards those around him? 

Yes, he was. He was a good man through and through _but_ with Castiel, as his friends pointed out, it was different. 

Dean would do anything for his friends without question; he’d drive in the pouring rain to change their tire if he had to. Any single one of their friends would sing Dean Winchester’s praises which is why it took Castiel so long to realize how different the friendship he had with Dean was from those Dean had with others. Apparently it wasn’t custom for a friend to take the day off work and plan and entire day of events—complete with an actual itinerary and ending with a foot rub—just for Castiel’s birthday. Who knew? 

He wished he would have caught on sooner but now that he was paying attention, all signs pointed to maybe, possibly, Dean having fallen for him as well. Now he faced the dilemma of not knowing what to do. Should he just bring it up out the blue? Should he plan something special to tell Dean how he felt? Was his friend planning something for the two of them already? 

Dean leaned into Cas’s arm, breaking him out of his thoughts. His friend’s voice remained low, unwilling to interrupt the gentle peace of the morning they’d been living in. “Hungry?” he asked with a smile, knowing Castiel’s rumbling stomach was answer enough. He nodded his answer anyway. “What’cha want?” 

“Whatever you’re willing to make.” 

“I was thinking chocolate chip pancakes.” 

“Perfect.”

Before Dean got up he pushed back some of Cas’s hair with a look on his face that Cas had only just noticed—fond maybe? 

“You and your bedhead.” 

He’d always assumed it was how Dean looked at everyone, a small smile in his cheeks, eyes sparkling green as ever. Castiel couldn’t even remember a time Dean didn’t look at him that way. Doesn’t he look at their other friends like that as well? 

He let his eyes trail behind the other man as he walked to the kitchen. He felt his cheeks straining in a smile. Whether or not the look meant anything, Cas had decided that no longer would he try and pretend the butterflies Dean left him with weren’t real. Especially when Dean was now looking at him like Cas had personally made him happy just by existing. 

If only he could just ask… know for sure if there was something as profound between them as he felt. 

Their friends had been so certain, so completely adamant that the two of them were equally in love with each other and Cas was bursting with the need to know. 

The snow outside, his favorite part of wintertime had to be a good sign, right? They were less than two weeks from Christmas. He decided, sitting there on their backwards couch that he’d give himself until Christmas. If it didn’t come up naturally or if Dean himself didn’t ask Cas, that’s when he’d bring it up. 

He went back to watching the snow, now even more enthralled by it than before.

❄ ❄ ❄ 

It was incredible how the day seemed to fly by when they had Hallmark movies on the TV. Their breakfast plates had long since been abandoned on the coffee table and their couch had finally been turned back around towards the TV. 

Castiel had to laugh at the way Dean’s eyes were glued onto the TV like a small toddler watching a colorful cartoon. Four years ago he couldn’t imagine seeing Dean caught dead with a sappy holiday movie. What started with an, ‘I don’t do that cheesy chick flick crap’ four years ago had turned into a sort of tradition for the two roommates. 

Having grown up with a single, hopeless romantic mother Castiel practically was raised on Lifetime movies and Christmas specials. The movies were mindless and predictable and so easy to indulge in that Cas didn’t even think twice before binging them that first year he moved in. 

What a different time it had been between he and his roommate. 

The word “gruff” wasn’t a word he’d now use to describe his friend but when Cas had first met Dean it was the most fitting word at the time. 

Castiel had come to the city with a fresh new degree and was in desperate need of a roommate. He’d met with a handful of random people with partially sketchy listings online but no one seemed to mesh with him well. If he weren’t desperate to find housing before his first day of work he might have raised his standards a little bit but at that time it was starting to look like he’d be stuck rooming with a smarmy man who introduced himself to Castiel as the King of Hell.

It wasn’t until he’d gone to visit the sixth person he’d contacted with a listing of: _$500 roommate needed must like classic rock_ that Castiel found someone he didn’t immediately detest. 

Four years ago Dean was a little rough around the edges, spoke directly and exuded himself overly confidently. He bitched at their first meeting about his previous roommate stealing quite a bit of money from him and didn’t actually seem too keen on accepting Castiel into his space. Still, the apartment was clean and Dean’s work schedule seemed to coincide with Castiel’s. Plus, the rent was cheap and he was _really_ desperate. 

Despite his initial impressions being that Dean was a bit of a standoffish jerk, Castiel quickly learned the true being under all those layers of flannel. He was funny and sarcastic and loved to sing Led Zeppelin while he cleaned and made the best homemade hamburgers Castiel had ever tasted. He was incredible and Castiel was now all the way in love with that man and currently deep in a wormhole of cheesy, utterly unrealistic, cavity inducing holiday love stories. 

Could it get any better? 

They’d already managed to watch six or seven movies that all somehow seemed to blend into one massive winter-themed film by the time they realized that they’d wasted the day away. Or more, Charlie Bradbury suddenly was sending them a stream of _‘Where are you?’ ‘Are you still coming?’ ‘You do remember the party is tonight’_ texts that had both the boys flying off their couch and running at top speed to their rooms to get ready. 

In a flurry of ‘holy shit we can’t have Charlie mad at us,’ they managed to get presentable, grab their presents and food they were bringing, and dive into Dean’s Impala in under ten minutes. Luckily for them Charlie only lived a short five-minute drive from their apartment. 

She was waiting for them impatiently at the end of her driveway that was mysteriously devoid of any other cars apart from her own. 

“Took you long enough! I thought you’d never get here.” 

The look on Dean’s face matched the way Castiel felt on the inside. “Dude! You had us freaked! We thought we were late!” 

“You are! I said to be here at five.” Charlie sassed back, looking mischievously delighted at their stress. 

“No one is here Charles!” 

She smirked. “That’s not true. I see two guests right now.” 

Cas had to laugh in a half-fond, half bitter I-totally-forgot-deodorant type of way. Dean clearly was on the same train of thought but he glared at Charlie with less annoyance than before. 

“You suck. I think I forgot to brush my teeth.” 

“Who cares?” Charlie piped, “Now you can help me with decorations.” Her red hair swooped over her shoulder as she dramatically turned around and pranced through the front door willing both boys to follow her. 

The inside of her house was unchanged apart from the eight or more bags of decorations on the dining table that elicited the biggest side-eye Dean and Cas could muster. How did they not know Charlie would force her two henchmen to show up hours before anyone else in order to decorate so that she didn’t have to? They were idiots really and she—she was an evil genius. Both Cas and Dean were powerless against her and went ahead with tearing things out of bags, eying each other with an ‘I can’t believe we fell for that’ look. 

Castiel knew he shouldn’t have expected anything less of his friend. Now having known her for a few years, it was exactly the type of thing she’d pull. He was mostly shocked that Dean hadn’t figured out her plan sooner being that the two had been best friends since childhood. 

It was inevitable that Cas became friends with her though the path had been rocky. The first few months of living with Dean, Castiel couldn’t stand her. More often than he’d like he’d find Charlie perched on their couch munching on _his_ food and leaving dishes for _him_ to wash later. He’d even, on a not so amazing day, came home to find his laptop in complete shambles because she’d taken it upon herself to give him a little update. 

He didn’t want to complain about her to Dean, having only just started forming a reluctant sort of friendship with his new roommate and didn’t want to give Dean a reason to give up on that. Besides, he knew Dean must’ve had some reasons to love Charlie if they’d been friends for so long but Castiel had struggled to see it. 

It’d been an adjustment for him, without a doubt, accepting her eccentric ways but it honestly didn’t take that long to warm up to her. Dean had caught her stealing Cas’s food and she’d apologized profusely to him explaining that she thought it was Dean’s and she loved bugging the crap out of him whenever she could—hence the dishes in the sink. She even took the time to show Castiel what she did with his computer and how much smoother it ran now with her adjustments. 

Bit by bit Cas fell a little more in love with her. Now Cas couldn’t imagine a world without her excitement over books and movies or her exuberant and sometimes obnoxious ways at getting what she wanted out of them. Her heart was always in the right place and she was easily one of Cas’s best friends. 

Even if she made them do all her dirty work. 

Well over an hour later and actual guests started showing up doting wrapped parcels and appetizers ready for the annual White Elephant gift exchange Charlie always hosted. It was a decent sized group this year, with only a few strays people had picked up from their respective jobs. 

He’d separated from Dean a while ago and was laughing with his friend Hannah from work as his cousin Gabriel told them an obnoxious story about how he’d hooked up with his boss when he heard his name called out from somewhere near the kitchen. 

“Hey! Cas?”

“Hmm?” 

He looked up to see Dean standing with a few of their friends Garth, Bess, Jo, and… Benny. 

He frowned. 

He _tried_ not to be a jealous person but if there was one person he stood the chance of losing Dean to, that person would be Benny Lafitte. Dean had known the big, Cajun-accented, undeniably attractive man much longer than he’d known Cas and it was clear (and sometimes hinted at by the big man) that there was history between them. Despite Dean never saying anything to Cas about he and Benny, Cas couldn’t help but wonder if there was the possibility there. 

“The 28th, do we already have something going on?” 

Cas pondered Dean’s question for a moment before shaking his head no. “Not that I’m aware of.” The answer must’ve satisfied his roommate because the man turned back to Benny with a grin. 

“28th works then. Pick you up at your place?” 

“Sounds good. S’been a long time since we’ve done anything.” 

“Tell me about it.” 

Cas’s rational side and his hopelessly-smitten side were at war. He knew Dean and Benny were friends, he knew it was acceptable for people to hang out—it didn’t stop him from wondering if either of them wanted it to become anything. 

And hadn’t Benny’s latest relationship just fallen through? Was he going to try and make a move on Dean? How would Dean respond if he did? 

Castiel tried to shake the thoughts from his head and jump back into Hannah and Gabriel’s conversation but couldn’t focus on the words they were saying. He hated feeling jealous like this yet he couldn’t will it away. 

He wanted to trust Dean’s affection for him but without actually hearing it from Dean himself Castiel found it really difficult. The uncertainty left him spiraling with questions: _What if he and Dean were already together? Would Benny still be asking him to hang out? Would Dean still agree? If he and Dean were together would he even be worried about Benny anymore?_

He was relieved from his inner worries when Charlie loudly yelled over the various conversations. “Yo! Who’s up for a presents?” 

“That’s what we’re here for isn’t it?” Dean called out in response making everyone laugh. It seemed to be the type of answer Charlie was looking for as she clapped her hands together excitedly and went to grab the bowl of numbers. 

“Let’s do this bitches! Pick your numbers.” 

Everyone made their way to the living room, climbing over one another to get premiere seating at the couches or on the soft rug. Some people stood back by the kitchen where the food just so happened to be (Dean) and others were relegated to sitting on wooden dining chairs (Cas). 

It didn’t matter that his ass was a little uncomfortable though. Castiel loved this game. What he didn’t love was being one of the first to pick. Looking down at his pathetic number 5 Cas knew it was unlikely he’d be getting anything better than a gag gift—likely one from his dumbass cousin at that. 

Number by number people started picking away at the presents. 

When his number was pulled he almost grabbed his own contribution but decided against it. Instead he reached for a blue and green plaid wrapped parcel where inside he found a box of chocolates and a Starbucks gift card. He knew before he even pulled the gift from the packaging that someone would be snatching it from him in a matter of moments and he wasn’t wrong. 

Three numbers later and his original gift was gone and he was left with a Victoria Secret mist and lotion gift set that no one else seemed particularly interested in stealing from him. It could be worst though. Garth was stuck with some embroidered toilet paper while Benny seemed to be eyeing his toilet shaped coffee mug with a look of mild pride. 

It was Gabriel who opened Cas’s present. 

Castiel had tried to make his wrapping look more exciting than he typically did, knowing that the gift he was giving was much lighter than most. He’d found a cute penguin bag and some silver tissue paper to stick out from the top. He knew better than to think he could actually wrap a present properly, gift bags were the way to go. 

Gabriel eyed the gift suspiciously before he ripped out the tissue paper in one swift movement. He took a few moments to examine the contents inside before a distinctly forced smile graced his features. His cousin knew better than to appear ungrateful but his tone gave him away. “Tickets for Zoo Lights? Uh. Cool.” 

Castiel tried not to bristle at the lack of excitement over the gift but what did he expect from someone like his cousin? He himself had been giddy with excitement when he’d made that purchase, secretly hoping that he could steal them during the gift exchange and use them for himself. 

Zoo Lights was one of Cas’s favorite attractions of the year. He loved the zoo on a regular day but when the holidays came around and the zoo went all out with lights, it was otherworldly. His love for animals and his love for Christmas lights made the attraction seem like the best idea ever. What better way to enjoy the holidays than looking at Christmas lights in the shape of animals? Sipping hot cocoa, watching the young children look at the sights in awe, while spending quality time with the people you care for? 

Maybe it was silly that he purchased the tickets for White Elephant in hopes to steal them for himself. It had sounded like a good plan in his mind: Casually steal the tickets and casually ask Dean to tag along with him, then casually spend the night together huddling for warmth, and perhaps _casually_ seek out a mistletoe design in the lights. 

It was a good plan in his mind, not very practical in reality. 

A quick glance to the others in the room showed no sign that anyone had any interest in the tickets, dimming his mood just a little. He’d thought tickets were a great gift but apparently missed the mark. 

Perhaps, he thought, he’d be able to convince his cousin to take some pity on him. It’s not like Gabe would use the tickets anyway. Maybe Castiel could still get his little fantasy to come true. 

More numbers were called, gifts were stolen, profanities were shouted, relationships were put on thin ice over the gifts people deemed the most worthy. Eventually it was Dean’s turn. 

Castiel knew that Dean likely had his sights set on the small bottle of Jack Daniels with the two Star Wars themed shot glasses. The gift only had one more steal until it was locked down. It was also possible, knowing Dean, that the man might want to steal the gift his younger brother Sam had gotten just because it was his “big brother duty” after all. It didn’t matter that Sam had grabbed an apron with the male anatomy printed on the front of it; Dean had found the gift absolutely hilarious. 

Only, Dean didn’t glance over at Bess who was holding the shot glasses with a protective stance nor did he look at his brother. He looked at Gabriel instead. 

“Fork ‘em over, cavity brain.” 

Without any form of argument Gabriel had the tickets in Dean’s hand in a matter of moments with an under his breath, “Good riddance,” only to turn around and steal the apron right out of Sam’s hands. But Castiel wasn’t paying attention to that. 

Dean had grabbed the tickets? 

Of all the things Dean could have taken he’d grabbed the gift that Cas had brought to the party? Cas hadn’t even shown Dean his wrapping so there was no way his friend would know it was his gift, unless Dean had seen it somehow? They’d been very secretive about what they were getting this year and it didn’t seem like Dean would try and sneak a peak. 

It was curious why his friend would have grabbed it and Castiel couldn’t tear his mind away from the thought until Charlie loudly broke in. 

“Winchester, give me one good reason I shouldn’t steal those from you.”

“Easy. I’ve got a special date in mind. Wanna use ‘em for that.” 

A significant look took place between the two and Cas could see Benny nudging Dean in the side. Whatever transpired between the three seemed to be resolved quickly before Dean looked over at Cas and winked. 

Dean wanted to go on a date. A special one. What did that even mean? Cas’s heart couldn’t help but pick up in his chest. Did it mean what he hoped? 

He tried to catch Dean’s eye once more but his friend had gone back to watching the exchange. Cas couldn’t sit still any longer though. He excused himself to the restroom and stood in the mirror for a long time trying to calm his merry heart. Was this actually going to work out for him? 

He gave himself a few minutes before he slunk into the kitchen to fill up his mug with spiked apple cider, brushing his arm against Dean’s hoping that at any moment his best friend might come in and ask him right then and there. Only he didn’t. 

Cas stood in the kitchen snacking on cookies and watched the back of Dean’s head as Dean started chatting with Benny again. He didn’t even seem to notice Cas behind him. 

Maybe Dean was going to ask him once the presents were all sorted out and everyone went back to chatting with one another. Maybe he’d pull Castiel aside, into another room and ask if he wanted to go with him? If he knew Dean, he knew his friend would want to ask him when they were alone. The thought made him smile. 

This could be one of the last days that Dean Winchester was simply his friend. At some point in the night his best friend could turn into something so much more than he already was and Cas would finally get to call Dean his. All he had to do was wait for Dean to seek him out and ask. 

But that never happened. 

The night wore on and conversations fell silent. Slowly people bundled up and headed out the door giving their thanks for the random gifts and making promises of seeing one another “next year.” 

“Hey Dean! We’re still on, yeah?” Castiel heard Benny call from the door. He looked up to see his best friend leaning against the kitchen island with a clear view of the front door. Dean confirmed Benny’s question with a thumbs up. 

“We are.” 

Castiel was just drunk enough that he almost cut in with a nosy ‘still on for what?’ but Benny spoke too soon. 

“Don’t forget the tickets!” 

“I won’t I swear.” Dean promised. His face looked excited as he waved his goodbye to the other man. 

“See ya soon then.” 

_Tickets._

It was all Castiel’s mind could focus on. 

Dean had gotten the tickets for he and Benny. Not Cas. 

He felt everything inside him deflate as the door clicked shut behind Benny. 

Dean was never going to ask him. 

He’d gotten his hopes up for nothing. 

Suddenly being at Charlie’s seemed like the worst place to be. He wanted to go home and he wanted to go home immediately. He moved towards the front door and opened up the coat closet and started searching for his parka. 

“What’cha doing there buddy?” Dean asked as he slunk over, his words were a little muddled from the drinks and the late hour. Cas didn’t bother looking over, just continued searching through the overabundance of fabric before him. 

“Finding my coat. What does it look like?” 

“Why?” 

With a sharp tug Cas managed to free his coat from the others, answering Dean’s question almost as aggressively as he’d just dislodged the item. “Shouldn’t we be going home?”

Dean seemed to sober up a little at Cas’s attitude. He grabbed the coat out of Cas’s hand and shoved it back into the closet, shutting the door with a soft click. 

“Whoa no. Too drunk to drive.”

“Can we call a ride?” Cas asked impatiently. His emotions were a little too high strung and the alcohol was not helping him keep them at bay. 

“Hell no. You know we don’t leave Baby alone.“

“Dean please.” He felt a little desperate and a lot hurt over what he’d just seen transpire. All he wanted was to be in his own bed and deal with his whirling emotions. 

“It’s cold as fuck out there.” Dean exclaimed. “Let’s just crash here and we’ll go home early. Charlie says no one else asked to stay.” 

“Dean—“ 

“Dude I’m not good to drive and neither are you. Plus a ride tonight is going to be way too much. Everyone is having holiday parties. Prices are like sky high.” 

He knew Dean was right but it didn’t mean he had to like it. “Fine.” He agreed, still refusing to meet Dean’s eye. 

“Come on—I’m like dead on my feet.” Dean pulled him by the elbow into the living room and down towards the bedrooms. He called out over his shoulder, “Charlie! We’re stayin’ here!“

“See ya in the morning!” Charlie called to them before turning back to her remaining guests. 

“Night e’rebody.”

Earlier in the night Cas would have been excited to spend the night in the same bed as Dean, in fact he _had_ been excited but now it felt like the bed was mocking him. Just life his life he’d be so close to Dean, practically in his arms yet he still couldn’t have him. If he were a better man he’d opt to sleep on the floor or couch but he still couldn’t deny himself the comfort of sleeping beside the man he loved. 

He waited as they turned down the guest bed, as they stripped down to their boxers and undershirts, as they slipped under the covers and adjusted the pillows but Dean never brought up the tickets or the fact that he’d invited Benny instead of Cas. 

Not that he expected Dean to but he thought they were still best friends. Shouldn’t Dean bring up his new dating life? Only Dean didn’t say much of anything. And that hurt just as much. Did Dean not trust him to know about his relationship with Benny? 

It all hurt a little too much for Cas to process. He’d been so certain that things for him and Dean were at a precipice. He didn’t know how he could have gotten it all so wrong. Why had everyone lied to him? They’d been so mistaken. Cas felt like a fool. 

It was all his fault. He was too far in love with Dean to see rationally. Of course he’d read into every little moment between them and convinced himself Dean loved him in return. 

He’d blame it on the spiced rum but he knew better than to think that it was just the alcohol making tears bead up in the corner of his eyes. Not even Dean’s inebriated state, making him curl up into Cas with his head on Cas’s shoulder made him feel better. 

Suddenly all the Christmas magic he’d been filled with before drifted out of him and spun away.

❄ ❄ ❄ 

He hated the snow. The wetness. The sloppy brown mush that it turned into with foot and car traffic mulling over it. Melting it. Tainting it. He hated the cold, the way he never knew if he was going to fall on his ass if he stepped on a newly frozen patch of ice. He hated it. 

He hated the fact that his pants were wet and his shoes were sloshing because he’d stepped in a fucking puddle on the way out of the car. He hated that Dean was fussing over him like a young child because Castiel wasn’t going to freeze to death if Dean didn’t get the car heated in less than three seconds. He did not need Dean’s jacket and one of Charlie’s extra blankets piled on top of him as they waited for the heat to turn on. 

He especially didn’t need Dean’s sudden burst of chattiness either. 

“Do you want to do anything today? Once you get changed and warm maybe we could go see a movie? I was thinking that we could go check out the lights around the neighborhood tonight too if you want to? What do you think?” 

“I’d rather just stay home tonight.” The last thing he wanted was to spend a night out enjoying all the holiday scenes with the man who didn’t want to be with him in return. 

“Oh okay. Wanna watch a movie at home then?” 

Dean’s voice sounded disappointed but Cas couldn’t imagine why. If Dean wanted to go out to see a movie he could just ask Benny. Why he was even bothering to ask Cas anyway was beyond him. 

“Sure. Whatever you want.” 

The car was growing warmer but Dean hadn’t made the move to put it into reverse. He kept his attention fully on his pouting friend. “What’s got you in a mood?” 

“Nothing.” Cas answered petulantly.

“Don’t seem like nothing to me.” 

“Well it is nothing.” 

He couldn’t bother to look at Dean. Just stared out the windshield, focusing on the brown snow that was clumped near the gutter. He felt like he could relate to that pile of snow right now—it wasn’t the snows fault that it happened to fall in the wrong spot, happened to be useless in that particular place and needed to be discarded. Now it was just slop that no one would find desirable. 

It’s not its fault it fell. It had no say over the matter. 

Who ever did? 

Dean must’ve been waiting for something else to come out of Cas but soon realized waiting was pointless. He pulled the car into reverse and muttered under his breath, “Okay then, grumpy pants.” 

Cas was grateful for the silence and even more grateful that Dean didn’t question why he stayed in his room for the majority of the day. At least he was able to use a hangover as an excuse if Dean did try and ask. 

He never did though nor did he really get the chance. 

The next few days happened to go by in a bit of a fog. 

Work took up the vast majority of his days as the holidays were always a busy time for him—it left him without having to see Dean for more time than necessary. He didn’t enjoy the conflicting feelings inside him that made him feel like time spent apart was both the worst thing possible and the best. 

He tried to push the hurt and disappointment away but just like the ice he kept slipping on during his walks home, it seemed impossible no matter how hard he tried to avoid the pain. 

It was clear his mood seemed to worry his friend but Dean’s worries over him just made it all worse. He was going above and beyond to make Castiel feel like his old self again but didn’t realize the turmoil it was causing him. 

Having warm bowls of soup, steaming cups of cocoa, or an eight-hour loop of a crackling fireplace on TV waiting for him when he got home failed to make him cheerful again. Not even a walk around the neighborhood to see the lights felt as special as it had before. Not when Cas knew that Dean was just treating him like a friend. Platonic. Comfortable. 

He just wanted to pretend that his friends had never said anything to him at all—that the pining he had felt before hadn’t snowballed into such hopefulness all because they’d told him Dean was different with him. 

Dean was wonderful but that didn’t mean Castiel was special to him in the way he wanted to be. 

In time he’d get over it but with Christmas only five days away he was going to allow himself a few more days of being sad. No one wanted to be alone at Christmas and he hated that he thought this year would be different. 

Castiel swirled his bowl of tomato rice soup around miserably. Before his heart would have been mush at his feet, knowing this meal meant a lot to Dean—he only brought out his mom’s recipes on special occasions. 

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” Dean asked, pulling Cas from his thoughts. Tomorrow was Friday night and Cas wanted to laugh bitterly at himself. Of course he had nothing planned. 

“Nothing that I know of.” He answered dryly, keeping his emotions stowed. 

Dean pulled away from the couch and went to rummage in his coat pocket. He came back with two tickets in his hands—the tickets for Zoo Lights. “So I—I uh got these at the gift exchange.” 

His other hand went to the back of his neck, a nervous gesture Castiel had picked up on long ago. Cas knew what this meant—his date would be the following evening. 

A thick, heavy sludge moved into his abdomen. He tried to remain friendly even though he wanted to cry. “Oh. I assume you’re using them tomorrow night?”

“I uh. Yeah. I just... I was wondering if—”

Cas’s lower lip started to wobble. He knew where his friend was going with this. Dean had been practically babying him all week as Cas threw a tantrum over not getting what he wanted. Of course Dean was wondering if he’d be good on his own tomorrow night. Surely he wasn’t that miserable of a soul that he couldn’t handle one night alone as Dean went on a date. 

He tried to smile, “No need to concern yourself I’ll be fine on my own.” 

“That’s not—”

Only then Cas realized. Maybe Dean didn’t want him at their home. Maybe that’s why he wanted to know if Cas had plans… the sludge in his belly grew heavy as stone as he realized why Dean might want the apartment empty. 

“Do—do you need me to leave?” 

“What? No?” Dean looked like Cas had just grown three heads. 

“I’m confused.” Cas said, uttering what they were both feeling. 

They stared at one another for a while as if seeing if they could read each other’s minds. Castiel didn’t know what to say, didn’t know what he even could say when his best friend—the love of his life—was going to go on a date with someone who wasn’t him. Should he congratulate Dean? Should he offer to stay somewhere else just in case? Maybe Dean actually wanted him to be home after the date so he could talk about it. Or maybe….

“Would you want to go with me?”

Castiel snapped back into himself. 

He saw Dean now sitting on the cushion next to him looking equal parts terrified and maybe… hopeful? But how could that be? Wasn’t he already going with Benny? 

“Did your date fall through?” 

“My date?”

“Benny? Did... did that not work out? Did he cancel?”

If the date had fallen through then it made sense why Dean would be asking him. It would be a waste to not use the tickets at all. 

Only Dean didn’t seem to be thinking along those lines. 

“Cancel? I never? What? Why’d you think I was going with Benny?” 

“He said, at the party, to not forget the tickets? Aren’t you two going together?” 

“Dude what? No! I mean we’re hanging out but not a date! There’s the Bowl game on the 28th. He asked if we wanted to go so I told him I’d get us all the tickets to sit together.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah, _‘oh’_ ”

“I misunderstood.” 

For the second time in a week Castiel was left feeling like a fool. He’d worked himself up so much over the fact that Dean was going on a date with Benny that he’d hardly even talked to his friend. 

“Is this why you’ve been acting funny?” Dean asked, apparently on the same train of thought. 

“I haven’t been acting funny.” 

His denial made Dean laugh. “Sweetheart, you went out of your way to sit on the floor instead of next to me on the couch to watch a movie.” 

“I like sitting on the floor.” 

“You’ve been mopey.” 

“Have not.” Cas pouted. 

“The Christmas lights at the park didn’t even make you smile.” 

“So?” 

Dean’s face completely melted. “You thought I was going on a date with someone else.” 

“Maybe.” He turned away, embarrassed at Dean’s revelation. Did he think Cas was pathetic? 

“Cas—“ 

“What was I supposed to think?” 

A warm hand cupped his jaw and willed him to meet Dean’s eyes. That look—that gentle, affectionate look was still there in Dean’s eyes as he smiled at Cas. “Maybe that I’m totally in love with you and don’t want anyone else.” 

“You never said.” 

“Been planning it. Just been too chicken to actually do it. I saw those tickets at the party and knew it was perfect. It’s exactly something your Santa loving ass would be into.” 

“I bought the tickets—for the exchange. It was my gift.” 

Dean’s face lit up. “See? I knew it. You love Christmas lights and you’ve been talking about Zoo Lights for weeks.” 

His heart now thrummed in his chest. Was Dean saying what he thought he was saying? 

“I thought you found someone else. That you—that I was wrong about how you felt.” 

“No way.” Two hands now cradled his face. He felt like he was going to boil over with emotion. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been so weird.” 

“I forgive you.” Dean replied easily. He too looked ready to burst with the feelings swirling inside him. They had both waited too long for this moment. “Will you go on a date with me, Cas?”

“Just one?” 

A bright smile flooded Dean’s cheeks and Cas was helpless at the sight. 

“Maybe—you see I need to give it a trial run. I’m not so sure we’ll mesh well.” 

“Funny, I think you said that during our first meeting.” 

“You still didn’t give me an answer.” 

Castiel was certain they both knew what he wanted but just to be sure he pulled Dean in by the front of his shirt. “Yes,” he whispered right before he captured Dean’s lips in a kiss. “Of course I’ll go on a date with you.”

❄ ❄ ❄ 

The zoo was everything he’d anticipated but so much more. No longer was it just a fantasy to hold Dean’s hand but a reality, one that didn’t end even as they drove home that night. To his delight he didn’t even have to wait to find the mistletoe lights to steal a kiss from Dean because without even asking his boyfriend would pull him in and press his hot chocolate flavored lips to Cas’s and smile. And each and every time, Castiel couldn’t help but marvel at the fact that this man was finally his—this man with the snowflakes settling so softly over his coat and hat, making him look like a winter dream. 

In Cas’s opinion, the snow had never quite looked so beautiful.


End file.
